Post Malone’s Most Powerful Song? And What it Says About Our Vices.
Before reading this piece, I recommend listening to “Love/Hate Letter to Alcohol” by Post Malone without distractions.
The eighth track on Post Malone’s latest album, Twelve Carat Toothache, begins with harmonized vocals from Fleet Foxes that are both haunting and melancholic. The listener immediately recognizes that this song is going to be about pain. This is Post Malone’s Love/Hate Letter to Alcohol.1
“I woke up on the ground
I guess I shoulda kept that sh*t to myself
Turns out, I'm pretty good at runnin' my mouth
But not good enough
You know, when I go in, it's lights out
I couldn't hear a thing 'cause the song was too loud
Last night I had 32 teeth in my mouth
Some went away
Why'd you have to go and f***ing ruin my day?”
Post Malone enters the song with a melodic rap of what it’s like being under the influence of alcohol. It’s chaotic. It’s violent. It’s belligerent. He’s unaware of what is going on, and has little control of what he says. Post even loses consciousness and teeth while under the influence. Ultimately, the experience of excess alcohol is dysphoric.
Contrary to a lot of hip-hop and rap before him, Post Malone is far from condoning inebriation. He even asks alcohol why it has gone and “[ruined] his day.”
The lyrics and the melodies combined with the booming drums and sad harmonies in the background create great tension in the first verse. As I listen to the first verse of the song, a question that comes to mind, that I believe Post Malone invites us to ask, is “if this is the life that alcohol brings for you, then why do you keep indulging in it?”
Post Malone, then delivers his answer in a heart-wrenching chorus.
“You're the reason why I got my a** kicked
But you're the only way to drown my sadness
This is my love/hate letter out to alcohol
You're the reason why I got my a** kicked”
As we see by the title and the chorus of the song, Post Malone’s relationship with alcohol is paradoxical—an extreme juxtaposition. His relationship to it is something that emulates the deepest human experience, which is love. Conversely, what alcohol puts him through elicits such a strong emotion as hate.
Alcohol has a great power in his life. It has the overwhelming power to provide relief from the tremendous amount of sadness that he has. However, alcohol kicks his a**. While the verses inform the listener that there is a real physical pain from the chaos of inebriation, this line in the chorus is likely metaphorical, too. Alcohol has the ability to abuse him emotionally and psychologically.
This chorus is one of the most effective portrayals of pain and chaos I’ve ever heard in a song. The high notes delivered in a somewhat screaming-like fashion carry both anger and deep melancholy. The high notes in “reason” and “only” are both a cry of pain and a scream of anger. Post adds a subtle vibrato to the word “sadness,” which sounds like he’s on the verge of breaking down into tears.
The roughness and brutality he receives from the alcoholic experience are pointedly encapsulated by the iconic Post Malone rasp in the word “got” with the line “You're the reason why I got my a** kicked.”
To reinforce the chaos of inebriation, Post Malone jarringly yet tastefully changes the rhythm of the chorus by giving the statement “This is my love/hate letter out to alcohol” with less emotion. The ‘matter of fact’ tone of this line is as if Post takes us up to a 10,000 foot view of the issue and says with a straight and defeated face, ‘this is it.’
Verse 2
“I was laid out flat, like a centerfold
Jakey and his partner drove me home
Lookin' in a mirror, somethin's wrong
Let me get my dentist on the phone
Found my keys, then I went back out
Someone asked me how it all went down
I remember like it's yesterday
I took a shot, took a shot, took a shot, took another shot
Fell right out my f****n' chair, swingin' for his eye
Then a big, chrome ring flew in from the side
I thought I died
Why'd you have to go and f***ing ruin my night?
Chorus
You're the reason why I got my a** kicked
But you're the only way to drown my sadness
This is my love/hate letter out to alcohol
You're the reason why I got my a** kicked”
In the second verse, Post Malone brings us back into the details of drunkenness. He describes the repeated beat downs with his experiences. Fans of Post Malone may find it hard to believe that any person would want to beat up on him—maybe there are those people and maybe they have done that. I believe it’s more metaphorical than that, though. I think he is trying to tell us that he keeps losing to alcohol. It’s a constant beatdown on multiple fronts—psychological, emotional, and physical.
After the second verse, Post leaves the song with one last chorus. We’re then left with a base and violent spit over the melancholic vocals of Fleet Foxes.
Post Malone implies the great sadness he endures by showing us what abuse he’s willing to take to drown his sadness. Post is hurt by the paradox of the pain alcohol brings him and the relief it gives to his sadness—it’s a great tension in his heart. The song is one of defeat and resignation. He willingly takes all of the pain that drunkenness brings, and he implies that it’s worth it because it's his “...only way to drown [his] sadness” (emphasis mine).
Dealing with Pain
Every human being has experienced emotional and spiritual pain in their lives. There are a near infinite amount of ways that we can deal with that pain. Some of those ways are very good and healing. Many of those ways, however, can be temporary relief at best—a mere distraction from the real pain we feel. So far in his life, Post Malone has found alcohol to be “...the only way to drown [his] sadness.”
It is not a good thing that we should feel pain, and the desire to alleviate and heal from that pain is a good thing. The issue comes from where we place the burden of healing.
There are ways to try to heal which place the burden entirely on ourselves. Yet, this is an impossible task, for how can we who carry these wounds simultaneously be the ones who heal from them? It is like a barber giving themselves a haircut or a surgeon performing a surgery on themselves. They can do it, but they are handicapped because they are too close to the problem. Likewise, we are too close to our wounds to have a clear perspective and grasp on healing from them.
To heal, we must invite perspective from trusted people and we must vulnerably share with trusted friends—as these burdens can be too much to bear on our own.
Most of all, we must seek the Divine Healer Himself. He who made us in the grandeur He did can also heal the deepest of wounds. None other than Jesus can do it, because Jesus—God incarnate—experienced all of the deepest wounds we have and triumphed over them. He can both relate with us and lead us towards the light.
However, more often, we place the burden of healing only on ourselves. After all, it’s much easier. We don’t have to be vulnerable, and we don’t have to be humble enough to ask for help. But, again, because we’re too close, we can’t do it on our own. So, our next best option is to seek distraction.
Alcohol is perhaps the best example of this. The Bible calls it a “mocker” and a “brawler” (Proverbs 20:1), and Post Malone’s song certainly echoes that. It seems to be the case that drunkenness can be such an appealing way to deal with pain because its effect is numbness. Not only does it put one in an altered state of mind, but it gives a certain haughty attitude. That fake confidence temporarily erases the fears of confronting the pain. At the very least, it alters your state of mind enough to distract from any pain for a time.
The abuse of alcohol can be substituted for a myriad of other coping mechanisms. Alcohol and drugs provide temporary relief from pain by cheaply altering your state of mind into a faux happiness. Pornography distracts from the pain of a lack of deep intimacy by providing brief pleasure. Social media distracts from insecurities we have with ourselves. And so on.
That is where the “love” in Post Malone’s song comes in. If we do not know any better, then of course we would develop a liking to these distractions. Relief, of course, feels good, so it’s natural we’d grow to like anything that provides relief.
Conversely, the hate develops because we grow addicted to these distractions. We’re no longer in control, because the substance now has control over us. The substance is just an easy way out. As previously mentioned, it’s very difficult to embark on substantial healing. It’s much easier to just down some alcohol, watch some porn, or scroll mindlessly on our phones for hours.
The paradox of love and hate that Post Malone describes in his relationship with alcohol is something the Bible is very aware of. St. Paul, in his letter to the Church in Rome, expressed this internal paradox, chaos, and anxiety when he said:
“For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” (Romans 7:19-20, ESV).
St. Paul is communicating the same paradox that Love/Hate Letter to Alcohol is. St. Paul recognizes what is good, but he is repeatedly drawn to that evil. He “keeps” indulging the evil, because it’s what he knows and because it’s an addiction. The easy way out has become its own entity—aka sin—and maintains a control over him. That's why he can't stop. How similar are we!
Teeth?
Whether Post Malone intended to or not, losing teeth is a great symbol for the effects of an addiction. He makes mention of it in both verses, and then the spitting at the end of the song implies spitting out teeth. On the surface, it seems rather odd, but I believe it speaks to a profound truth.
Teeth have a few powerful symbols when it comes to sin and addiction. They are the bones we can most easily lose, and Post describes how alcohol causes the loss of his teeth.
First, teeth are the only exposed bones on a human being. Bones are a great symbol of our souls, in that they are the only thing that lasts throughout our lives and far beyond our physical death. Similar to our souls, teeth are inside of us, yet they’re able to be seen from the outside.
Every time we take the easy way out with a distraction, forsaking the right path to proper healing and coping, we lose a piece of ourselves. It becomes easier to take the easy way out. As St. Paul said, it’s sin that dwells in us that brings us to do evil. The substance we turn to is itself inanimate, but the control it starts to exert over us is like it becomes its own being. We mindlessly relinquish control over to this evil force and it becomes who we are.
When we give ourselves to these addictions, these sins, as a way of distraction, the sin comes in and knocks out pieces of our souls like they’re teeth. What’s left is nothing but an ineffective gap of exposed gums prone to infection, that we want to cover up. Likewise, our souls are left prone to more damage, and there’s a desire to cover it up, as we tend to like hiding our vices. Essentially, that piece of us is gone, and what has taken its place is the sin that controls us.
The one who has his teeth is free to live his life, but the one who has had his teeth ripped out is now controlled by that violence. Everything in their life is secondary to giving medical attention to that wound, making sure it doesn’t become infected and covering it up. Yet, no matter how much work we try to do (barring modern dentistry–just go with me on this analogy), we will never get that tooth back—that piece of ourselves. It would take a miracle from God to get that tooth back (fortunately, God is always there to help heal and restore our wounds).
Teeth are also a good symbol of our moral reasoning. Teeth take in food and break it down into something digestible. When your teeth come upon something too hard to bite through, we know immediately not to eat it. Likewise, our moral reasoning parses through the world as we experience it and transforms it into something we can navigate in a way that brings goodness and love, if used properly. All that is to say, moral reasoning is what helps our souls digest the world.
Every time we give ourselves to sin, we lose a bit of our moral reasoning. We chew the hard candy, ignoring the harshness of having to chew on it, so we can get the sweetness. Do that enough, and it’s going to make one lose their teeth.
The first time drinking alcohol, doing drugs, or watching pornography is often hard, and sometimes disturbing. But, we choose to ignore it because of that escape it provides us. Sooner or later, our moral reasoning decays, making it harder and harder to say no to it.
Eventually, we can only take the easy way. We’re deprived of the rich goodness of different foods, and can only consume soup and shakes, because it’s the only thing our bare gums can handle. Likewise, we become alcoholics, porn addicts, drug abusers, and so on because constantly taking the easy way out makes us incapable of having the moral reasoning to say no.
Lastly, and most simply, bare gums are ugly. So is sin. When we indulge in these sins more and more, our gums, that is the tainted and ugly outward appearance of our hearts and souls, become more and more apparent.
This brings me to my final point on Post Malone’s song, Love/Hate Letter to Alcohol. Post Malone is a beautiful man who constantly displays his desire to care for other people. This song is an incredible work that the listener can relate with. Though, on a much deeper level, I believe that in an act of caring, Post is giving us a warning. The brutal life described in the verses and the intense emotional and psychological pain portrayed in the chorus is far from a glorification of any substance we can use to distract.
Post Malone even gives us the key to discovering some of our own sins and addictions in our own lives. Is there something that we addictively use that drowns our sadness? Is there something we feel hatred towards, while also running to it for relief?
So, next time you listen to Love/Hate Letter to Alcohol, let yourself be healed by the fact that someone else shares your experience of seeking unhealthy ways to cope—you’re not alone. At the same time, let it be an opportunity for you to analyze what grips your life. What parts of your soul have you lost to something? When you’ve identified it, like needing a miracle to bring a tooth back into your mouth, seek the only one powerful enough to restore your soul—your creator and Heavenly Father.
Lyrics provided by https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/postmalone/lovehatelettertoalcohol.html